So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
