2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize