dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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