Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
