just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
