Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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