I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
