Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
