best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
