I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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