hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
