Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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