dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
