So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
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