What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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