Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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