She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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