somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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