My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
