Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
