I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Girls should come with a carfax report
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
