literally had 100 drinks last night.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
