you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
