if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
