Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown