You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"