At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist