I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
