I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
