He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
