Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
