i think i have two assholes
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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