i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
