just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
