there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The uberlube is also flammable
Can you bring me the toilet please
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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