it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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