Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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