just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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