you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
