I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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