I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
