you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
