you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
