are you still at the devil's house?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
