Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
