i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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