bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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