walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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