I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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