office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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