I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
