Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
