He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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