But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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