I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Green mimosas i think yes
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
