So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
