Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
