my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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