Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
