I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
