have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
