apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I am full of burrito and curiosity
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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