My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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