You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
