I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I met the friendliest cop last night
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
