Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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