i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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