I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
