i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
