i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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