sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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