Me too!
we're chasing vodka with high fives
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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