I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
