At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
