Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
