So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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