U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
