I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Come share oat with me in your robe
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
