My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
