Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
