We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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