Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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