Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
