So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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