did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
