I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
