i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
