I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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