Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
