Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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